Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
