Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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