porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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