You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
