do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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