when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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