walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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