Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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