4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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