I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
