So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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