Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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