He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
