so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....