I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
