ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
