Pappa wants mamma naked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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