I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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