maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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