you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
