Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
