Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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