Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
