exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
