Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
