Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
