and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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