I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Green mimosas i think yes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
