the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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