she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
