God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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