FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
