okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
