my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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