He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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