yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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