My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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