Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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