its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize