Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
