So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize