Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
