So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
