my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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