well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
