Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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