she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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