Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
