I love black thongs
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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