And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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