Will you blow on my dice?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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