my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
