Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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