Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
