he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Randomize
