guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
