I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
