where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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