So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
