My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
