Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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