I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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