he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize