you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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