Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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