I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
