The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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