Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
