You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
