I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
