there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
