It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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