I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
