Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize