You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your cock deserves a montage
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
