I wish I only lived at night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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