If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize