Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
