Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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